Our jungle retreat is about to start in the morning and i am sending much love to each guest, some of whom are about to experience Ayahuasca for the first time. I say to each, “Welcome Home!” I mean that in terms of the family that is La Familia Medicina they are joining, but also in the spiritual sense that the experience is a major step back towards the shining Light of the divine and eternal that is within all of us.
Our lifetime is a journey of self discovery, as the cliché goes. What is it that we are trying to discover? We would naturally say, “to find happiness, inner peace, contentment, and clarity.” I would follow up that with a question, “are happiness, inner peace, contentment, and clarity something external to us that we have yet to acquire? Or is it something we have always held with the deep core of our heart and soul?” Perhaps, that central core of Light and Love has always pulsed within us, but covered by many strata of dust and grime, the accumulated layers of egoic misperception that covers the Light from our personal vision.
When we speak of “cleaning” in Ayahuasca, my experience and understanding is that it is this egoic mud and sludge that is being lifted out of us and purged. To be quite honest, i hated the nausea and vomiting in my early Aya ceremonies. It was suffering and intensely so. Then came the emotional agitation that needed to express itself, with trembling fear and heaving sobs coming forth, working its way out of me over hours, and occasionally during my not retreat days as well as many weeks to months later after ceremonies. With time, i came to fully understand that these deeply settled wounds, karmic baggage, and stored traumas must have their opportunity to speak before they could be released from me to free themselves and myself from our dysfunctional embrace. I could then move forward in life unencumbered by them. I learned to love the vomit bucket!!
To our conventional, Western minds, suffering is something to be avoided as much as possible. Don’t cry, don’t be hurt by anyone or any incident, don’t be vulnerable. That was my modus operandi at least, and it led to the building of an emotional and spiritual armor to protect myself from the difficult moments in life. After that, only anger was easily accessible. It gave me power to fight back against suffering. But when the only easily accessible emotion you have is anger, well then it’s like having only a hammer as a tool. Everything in life seemed like a nail to be dealt with.
Another unfortunate outcome of forming a rigid protective layer over one’s heart and spirit is the loss of sensation to Love.
Mother Ayahuasca ripped this armor from my chest like one would rip a thick scab that hides its wound. It hurt like hell. I trembled, cried, and cried for many hours until there was nothing left. Then… i woke the next day feeling as if i could float. The world around me was filled with colors and hues i hadn’t seen since i was a child, not just the visual kind mind you, but the emotional and spiritual colors. The movements of intuition and sense of my place in the world and in my relating with others around me. A 6th sense you could call it, had been opened up for me. Like discovering a new limb you didn’t know you had that added so much more range and capacity to life. Like the opening of another Eye, to see the expression of Spirit that has always been there.
That is the gift Ayahuasca gave me. The greatest gift i could ever have. The full comprehension of all-encompassing Love. Projecting outwards and inwards and in all directions. No source nor target, but a sea of it in which i realized we are swimming. Like the invisible air that surrounds us and gives us life.
This has been a major part of my transformation through Mother Aya’s stern but loving work. Not to mention the compassionate and experienced guidance of our Maestros Gumercindo and Zach. I am so grateful i met these men.
And the journey continues to this very moment. Layers upon layers of realizations and experiences that stretch and eventually snap my own feeble mind’s attempts to comprehend them. Because the spiritual expression is not meant to be comprehended by the mind but only by the Heart and Soul.
Love is God, indeed. The alpha and the omega. The fuel of creation.
In closing, i wanted to share my experience at Burning Man festival this past weekend. It was a last minute decision to attend because of my profound experience at the event last year. If you haven’t seen it, i suggest you do. What the outside world thinks of Burning Man is not what one can discover within it. It’s an intentional community that is built on some core philosophies; Radical Inclusiveness- to accept each other at the place in our path we are each in, with compassion and hope, Radical Self-reliance- that we have all the means within each of us to take care of ourselves and find our own self-actualization, Gifting- to give to one another of ourselves without predication on receiving in return, Radical self-expression- we are all endowed with unique gifts and abilities and it is our purpose to express them for the betterment of humanity and to contribute that towards the divine evolution of existence. We are like grains of sand in a vast universal ocean. Although that seems to make us small and inconsequential, to take away one grain of sand would change the entire universe. Importance is not based on size and quantity, it is based on the quality of how we chose to exist.
With that, i leave you with some images of Sacred Art from Burning Man….
Love & Light
La Familia Medicina